The Freelance Retort: Not Always Right

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Not Always Right

I admit…I’m not always right.

I throw one…every now and then…just to be fair.

If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have any friends at all…not even if you count the three I have on Facebook…sort of.

I mean if everyone knew I was perfect, imagine how that would go.

You’d think I was looking down and judging you all the time.

I don’t want you to think that…I don’t want anybody to think that.

I mean, yeah…sure…I am…but I don’t want you to think that.

So I throw one…every now and then…just to be fair.

I mean, didn’t I say those were nice shoes you had on the other day.

Back in the 60’s I said the Beatles were a one hit wonder, and would never rise to the level of “Up with People”.

In the 70’s I said this Spielberg guy might have a career, but only if he stuck to butter commercials.

In the 80’s I said the Mets would win 7 or 8 World Series before the end of the century.

In the 90’s I was telling people that nobody listened to Oprah…

And I’m not even going to mention Ross Perot….

All along…I knew better.

Even now, I’m telling people, just watch... that Bieber has a plan…he really has his s…tuff together.

Social Media is the best thing to happen to modern culture, well…since George Lazenby replaced Sean Connery as James Bond.

Reality TV helps to sharpen your neural pathways.

Just little things like that to make the rest of you think I’m not as smart as I look.

If that were even possible….

But yeah, it is…and I am…

So I pretend I’m not, just to make you all feel a little better about yourselves.

My little gift to the world, as it were.

And you’re welcome…in advance…because, I know, right now you want to thank me.

But it really isn’t necessary…it’s the least I can do.

Besides, being right all the time isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

I mean, imagine if you were even half as right about things as I am.

Hard to picture, I know…but really, try thinking about having to hold your tongue…everyday…when your neighbor annoyingly feels it’s necessary to say “Hello”…all the time.

All the time…really?

Can’t we just ignore each other…once and awhile?

Because holding your tongue…all the time…is unsanitary, not to mention gross…at least to others.

Right?

Or knowing that your friends with the beach house should really invite far fewer people down for the weekend, especially on those weekends that you’re invited, because you know they’d have a much better time with just you.

Just common sense, but try swallowing that.

Pretty hard, huh?

Or that you’re cousin’s daughter’s wedding would have been much livelier had they gone with the Mariachi band you recommended instead of that 7 piece Rock ensemble.