I’m not a big crowd person.
In fact I’ve been known to go to great lengths just to avoid
large crowds.
Which is why I only go to Joe Piscopo movies.
Exactly….
I don’t like waiting in lines, either, which stands to
reason since a line is really just a controlled crowd for people with OCD.
If I see a line I walk the other way; I don’t care what’s on
the other end of it.
Unless it’s free beer.
But only premium beer.
So I was not one of those people who couldn’t wait to run
out to the store, the second they opened the doors, at midnight, on this past
so called “Black Friday”, just so I could save 20 bucks on a new toaster oven.
My toast is just fine, thank you.
Truth is I’m not all that big a shopper, no matter what time
of year it is.
I don’t mind looking, or just wandering aimlessly through
the mall with Z, people watching…but when it comes to actual shopping…not a big
fan.
I do most of my shopping online.
It’s better that way.
For me and all the other shoppers, not to mention the shop
workers.
Trust me.
But I still maintain that reporter made up half of that
story …and that photo was definitely doctored.
This year I’m giving everyone I know…a “No No”.
That cool little hair removal tool they sell on TV.
It’s actually the neatest thing—pun intended—I’ve ever
seen…or at least the commercial is.
Just their slogan alone is worth the mindless minutes spent
watching.
“Spend less time removing hair…and more time doing the things you
love!”
Now who doesn’t want that!
And I have to tell you…I never knew the vast array of places
that some folks apparently can grow hair.
Let alone just how much fun it can be to remove it…from you
or from somebody else.
Especially from somebody else.
Have you seen how much fun those people are having grooming
each other like a bunch of monkeys?
But I suppose if I was finally able to rid myself from that
annoying patch of hair that plagues the crook of my elbow, I’d be smiling too.
And even though in all my days I never once felt the need to
shave the back of my neck…just the idea that now I can, is enough to bring a
smile.
And I can’t wait to get at those hairy toes…finally.
I’m actually thinking of handing them out as party favors at
this year’s Christmas extravaganza.
Besides livening up the festivities, I’m thinking it’ll
bring us all closer together as friends.
I mean how can you refuse anyone anything who removes your
navel hair…and smiles while they’re doing it.
Okay…I know…not everyone will be as thrilled as I am about
the “NO NO”.
Some people are just weird when it comes to performing hair
removal…especially on somebody else.
So for those people I’m getting the Wax Vac, which if the commercial
is any indication, is just as much fun, if not more so, than the “NO NO”.
Ho Ho!
Now if they could just combine the two.
Just think of it…two handy, personal grooming items in one.
Throw in a little MP3 functionality…well then, I don’t think I need to say
anything more.
So I won’t.
Anyway, gotta go wrap up those Lint Lizards I bought for the Zombies Across the Street. They have a
terrible time with dryer lint…for obvious reasons…and they can’t get enough of
them.
________________________________________________
Looking for a fun, new Christmas Tradition to share with your family?
Pick up "The Little Red Christmas Ball"
Now available at Amazon
And don't forget
Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail
No comments:
Post a Comment
Retort to the Retort -
“Is there anybody alive out there…”